Insomnia

Why people cannot sleep! Sometimes they are very tired of their work and responsibilities but still when the lie on bed they are not at peace. They try even harder by popping pills and straining their eyes but the fluid inside their head is way too messed up. Its like fucking werewolf in the fucking full moon.

I think I described my condition just above. Well I can't sleep. I know the reason but still I am not doing anything to make myself better. I am getting panic attacks everyday because of my anxiety and I know how to be stable but when I am that anxious, the after effect of that leaves me nowhere but at square one. I know how I could avoid this anxiety disorder of mine but some how, maybe cuz of my laziness , I am not doing anything.

I am weak. I am messed up inside. But no one will understand me, except for one but I continuously used my personality to piss that person off. And now I know that my perception to that person have changed. I am not the same to that person as I was before. I am so messed up ryt now. And because of that I can't deserve the quiet night to sleep.

When I was little, my mom take my head on to her lap an tell me that I can sleep on her lap and when I will wake up, all my troubles will go away. I still remember that the magic happened every time. I doesn't happen now. Maybe cuz I don't have someone's lap to sleep my troubles away or maybe my thought process is so fucked up that I could never get the peace I deserve.

A very disturbing stuff to think abt people..
C'ya.
SHIVAM